Wow. TD has been majorly slacking.

I wonder if people have food cravings because their bodies require a certain substance of which they’re not getting enough. If I have a banana craving, does that mean my body is needing potassium? When pregnant women get pica, do their bodies need some substance found in clay and dirt chips?
Haha.

I get music cravings a lot. This morning’s was “Rainy Monday.” Which reminds me:

I am completely obsessed now with three bands (artists): Shiny Toy Guns, Her Space Holiday, an The Real Tuesday Weld. I’m sure you’re already familiar with the first one. I know you’ve been listening to their Music Monday featured track repeatedly for days now. I understand. You’re not alone.

And in other news:

Excerpt from the non-existent How to Avoid Saliva in Your Food and Other Tips on Dining Out (steal my title and I’ll kill you):

It is perfectly acceptable to flirt with your server. Doing so can boost the egos of both yourself and the server, lighten the mood, and (ideally) boost the impending tip. However, there are a few key rules to observe during server-guest flirting.
1. Do not be creepy. Do not say creepy things.
2. Do not make lewd comments. Sexual humor is typically off-limits with strangers. See: #1. Never NEVER NEVER touch the server. Ever. You have no business ever touching your server in any way. Never.
3. Proceed warily with humor regarding politics, sports, race, and gender.
4. Do not overuse the server’s name. See: #1.
5. Do not put the server in an awkward position by getting her attention only to stare at her longingly with an uncomfortable pause as if mustering up the courage to ask for her number. (I use “her” simply because all guys like getting numbers. Haha. Joke.) See: #1.
6. Do not ask the server out. See: #1.
7. Do not ask the server out. See: #1.
8. Do not ask the server what he or she “is doing when you get off work.” It’s not your business. See: #1.
9. Do not keep the server at your table very long. Your table is likely not the only table in the restaurant and probably not the only table your server is currently maintaining. Even if you are the server’s only table, he or she is probably looking for an excuse to walk away, à la “I wonder if the ketchup bottles need filling. I wonder if anything needs deep cleaning. I wonder if I should cut some lemons. I wonder if I could roll some silver. I wonder if I could scrub the toilets in the restroom with a toothbrush. I wonder which excuse these people will accept.” See: #1.
10. After flirting mercilessly for the entirety of the dinner, even if you have broken all of the above rules and asked the server out and been turned down, even if the server has casually mentioned his or her significant other twenty-three times throughout the conversation and avoided all eye contact for the second half of your dinner, it is NOT acceptable to leave a bad tip.
[For the record: anything less than 15% is insulting. 18% is standard. More than that is great. A simple rule of thumb (until inflation gets us all) is to double the sales tax. (These are true for Texas. Outside Texas, please contact your local eatery for more information on appropriate tipping.)]

That’s all. Time to get back to work.

Peace, love, and appropriate restaurant flirting to you and yours.