I guess my past self didn’t get the memo that I’m currently having to write an 8 page paper that’s already a day late and gets 10 pts knocked off for every day it’s not turned in.
I had a banana nut muffin though, damn it.
That’s creepy.
I have 1,982 words to go, and I’m done with mine. It’s all rubbish, and I am inclined to burn the resulting amalgamation of words before anyone can see how horrible this creation truly is.
…and yet he posts the link. 
I do what I can to spread pain and suffering to as many people as possible. The excerpt on that page should probably contain a few warnings, as it could be dangerous for people with certain medical conditions to read. Actually, maybe I could sell it as a form of euthanasia. I’ll title it, “Crappy Prose That Will Rape Your Eyes and Stop Your Heart.”
“That sounds like something for Future Marshall and Future Ted to deal with…”
My past self has one sarcastic sense of humor. I distinctly hear snobbery in that “how’s it going” part.