3 Dimes by the absolutely wonderful DottieboBottie.

Hidden behind a cut tag so as not to draw too much attention from the BIG NEWS in the previous post:

The Thing about the Photo
This photo cracks me up, for obvious reasons. Dottie is amazing and you should peruse the rest of her flickr photos.
But wait–there’s more! I have some little stories to tell you. This is the post about funny things.

The Story of the McDonald’s Woman
Yesterday. Around two in the afternoon. Hungry. McDonald’s on the stop home.
Okay, so I’m in my car, waiting at Window #1, but no one is there to take my order. So I assume I’ll just give my order and payment at Window #2, as they sometimes do at off-hours. But there are cars in front of me and behind me and it’s getting busy quickly.
I see the McD’s Woman, as she’ll thus be deemed, at Window #2 ahead of me. She takes the order of the SUV in front of me and looks impatiently towards Window #3, like maybe they should hurry up so she could take the next order/payment. Then she disappears from the window–
–and suddenly reappears next to me at Window #1. “Hi, ma’am, how are you today?” she asks. I say fine and give her my order as the SUV in front of me moves up. McD’s Woman says, “That’ll be $2.75 at the next window” and takes off running–
–while I pull up to Window #2–
–and meets me there, leaning casually against the side of the window and says, “Hi, ma’am, how are you today?”
I tell you, watching her run off and casually reappear had me laughing for at least ten minutes. And I think about it and laugh out loud. It was one of The Funniest Things Ever™.

The Not-Funny Rant about Old People Wanting Free Stuff
JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE OLD AND HATEFUL AND TALK TO YOUNG GIRLS LIKE THEY’RE STUPID DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET FREE STUFF EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
That old man can complain about me until he’s blue in the face for all I care. I’m not giving him anything for free, ever.

The Story of the Man Reading the Newspaper
I was waiting on a middle-aged man Tuesday, who was soon joined by his wife and grown daughter and her child. They were pleasant enough, and after paying, the women left while the man stayed behind to read the newspaper and finish his margarita. I happened to stop by and decided to make conversation the way us waitresses often do, and he kept his head down, fully intent on reading his paper, while I said:
“Oh, did they all abandon you?”
Pause. Awkward silence.
“Wow, you’re really engrossed in what you’re reading.”
Pause. Really awkward silence. I realize he completely doesn’t hear me, and uncomfortably stumble away.

The Story of the Toothless Spice Girl
This one’s bad. I mean italicized bad.
There is a woman and a man who often come in to my place of employment. We’ll call them Tom and Scary, as in Scary Spice. So, at the risk of offending people, I’ll just say they’re white trash. Tom doesn’t normally talk much, but Scary definitely makes up for it. Scary doesn’t have any teeth and she calls everyone “baby.” She always, always talks about how she doesn’t have her teeth. They love me and they love my manager, M, who just happened to be working Tuesday night when they came in. M & I cringe when they come in. So I see them walk in and send the busser to get M, who thankfully meets me at their table (and is hugged by Scary who sees him, stretches her arms out wide, and says, “Hi, baby!”). We stop to chat for a moment while I’m taking their order. As usual, Scary starts talking about her lack of teeth. This is about how it goes:
Scary: “Only two more months until I get my teeth. I’m so excited. (She dances a little in her seat, so we know she’s for real.) I just can’t believe how long this whole thing has been drawn out. Let me tell you (to M), us girls really don’t like not having our teeth.”
Tom: (proudly) “I like it.”
M & me: (frozen in terror) ” . . . “
Scary: (giving us a knowing look) “Yeah, he likes it. . . . (throwing her arms in the air) Oh, but we won’t go any further. . .”
Me: “So, what would you like to drink?”
Then I took their drink order and took off around the corner. M soon came around the corner and I said, “OH MY GOD” and he just kept walking, laughed a little, said, “Yeah…,” and looked like he was going to throw up while going outside to smoke.
The end.

Occasionally I Plug Brevity
Because I pretty much thing it’s the greatest comic ever.

What Just Happened
I went cross-eyed for a second and it freaked me out again.

The Random, Not-Really-Funny Thought in My Head at the Moment
I think I need to move to London. Yesterday morning I was reading in bed and realizing how great of a desire I actually have to spend a significant amount of time in England. And later that night, I finally learned of the large-scale alternate reality game Perplex City. Season 2 of Perplex City has just recently begun and is only open to London’s inhabitants. Damn hell. Signs are pointing to London.

The Other Thing Signs Are Pointing To
Honey. It’s all been about honey lately. I think I need to buy one of those bear-shaped bottles because the Fates are obviously talking about honey for a reason, and I don’t think it involves Jessica Alba.

The Obligatory Ending to a Jane Post
Peace, love, and loads of humor in your everyday life.