Yesterday my grandfather had emergency triple-bypass heart surgery after having had a heart attack the day before. It hasn’t been the best of weeks.

I’ve been contentious toward God lately. I don’t understand the way things work out and, despite having had countless situations where just giving up on my efforts and giving the problem(s) to Him is the best solution, I continue to be stubborn. If there were to be actual dialouge, I imagine it’d be somewhat like the following:

God: Hey, so, you know…
Me: Yeah I know. Go away, I have this covered.
God: Okay, but really, I could -
Me: Dude, leave me alone. I can do this.
God: Hey I’m just trying to help.
Me: Yeah I know. Sorry. But really, I think I have this figured out.
God: Are we really going to go through this again?
Me: …
God: Okay well. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here. I love you.
Me: I know. Thank you.

Ugh.

It won’t be long until I ask for help. The good thing about this is that the time I spend between being a self-reliant ass and letting go is getting shorter. I recognize my faults. I can do nothing on my own.

Here I go.