Let’s talk about harassment.
The way I see it, there’s two kinds: physical and verbal. Unfortunately, I have been the victim of both on multiple occasions. I’m not going to say one form is worse than the other, because they’re both terrifying in an unexplainable way.
The thing about being harassed is the level of helplessness and vulnerability experienced at the hands of the harasser. That might be obvious, but there’s a certain amount of horror felt when one reaches that state of helplessness. The only thing worse than being so ruthlessly harassed is being so ruthlessly harassed while someone stands by and watches and never offers any kind of aid or assistance whatsoever. I’m speaking from experience here. I’m to a point where I feel so enraged and disgusted by the idleness of onlookers to a high-tension harassment situation.

Over a year and a half ago, I was physically harassed by a coworker in such a way that I was actually backed up against a wall and pushing him away from me. Bad situation. Meanwhile, another coworker (a man with whom I’d later have a very brief romantic relationship) stood by, watching and laughing, as if it was all in good fun. Worse situation.
Again at work, over a year ago, I was physically harassed by a customer at work who had the audacity to pat my ass as if we were good friends on the football field and I’d just scored a touchdown. Bad situation. Meanwhile, his wife and two adult children sat by and witnessed the action and never said a word. Worse situation.
The past six months or so at my job, I’ve been verbally harassed by several men who know my manager and feel they therefore have a right to talk to me any way they choose. Bad situation. Every time, I have told our manager and received nothing but his laughter in response. As if I’m kidding. As if it’s something worth joking about. Worse situation.

Last night I was quite literally in tears and repeatedly telling my manager not to laugh because it wasn’t funny and I wasn’t comfortable. After the harasser made a joke about me to my manager, the manager actually laughed in an encouraging way and left for the evening (there was another manager on duty, of course). In the end, I finally had to be forceful and tell the offender he was harassing me. He, being a lawyer and presumably realizing the magnitude of which I’d just accused him, promptly left. A couple sitting behind the bar only witnessed a tip of the iceberg of what this guy was saying to me and realized what a bad situation it really was. They congratulated me on making him leave.
So.
This morning I was still shaken up about last night. I was physically trembling and crying, partly from anger and partly from whatever unexplainable emotions people experience after being harassed. Honestly. Even I, the most voluble person ever, can’t describe it.
I went to work, sat down with my manager, and tearfully explained how outraged I was that he had repeatedly refused to take me seriously and put me in such a position to receive constant harassment–not just from the man last night, but from several other patrons. He finally began to understand my point of view, but explained how in “all the literature he’s read, the person who feels harassed should say ’stop,’ and if the other person continues, then it’s harassment.”
I pretty much think that’s crap.
All this long drawn-out rambling finally gets me to my point–people don’t know what that level of harassment feels like until actually involved in the situation. I can stand up for myself in many situations. I can tell people at work when they’ve offended me. I can defend myself to a reasonable point. When I’m physically harassed, I can actually say “stop” or “no” or any of the necessary buzz words.
But when I’m verbally harassed, it’s a whole other ball game. It’s like that censorship saying they quote on Law & Order: “I can’t describe it, but I know it when I see it.” I know when someone is harassing me, but when relaying it to someone else, it’s not the same. Until actually in the situation, I don’t think it can be understood. Whether it be expressions or intonations of words, I’m not sure. But I think it’s hard for me to actually label things as harassment because I’m giving a name to it. Because up until that point, it’s ambiguous and the harasser’s intentions are often vague or ambiguous. Am I really being harassed or is this just that person’s personality? The line isn’t every truly definable, so how can I accuse someone of crossing something that doesn’t actually exist?
It’s a truly screwed-up situation.

And now I have that all off my chest. For now.

Um. I really like most of Pride and Prejudice and I’m not really ashamed. The movie, I mean. I never read the book because, well, it’s Jane Austen. Of course, there are a few directorial decisions I don’t agree with, but that’s probably to be expected, especially from a romance.

Okay.
That’s all for now.

Peace, love, and Mr. Darcy.