TGiN: Thank God it’s November.
TGwgatw: Thank God we’re getting away this weekend.

So I made a TD&Co. facebook group. I think I sent invites to everyone who semi-regularly drops by the site and also has facebook. If you haven’t gotten one, let me know.

I asked dismarum to scrounge up her mp3 player to record potential TD podcasting goodness on the trip this weekend. I had a topic suggestion from thredd awhile back I think, but if anyone else has topic ideas/suggestions/commands, leave a note.

Um. That’s all I’m going to say right now.

On second thought, a cathartic addendum of sorts, perhaps, after the cut:

Miss M says I don’t have a Halloween curse, but I don’t know if she believes that or if she just knows it’s the right thing to say. She’s skeptical and more cynical than I–a simple and small characteristic distinguishing us from what otherwise would be a personality mirror image. Generally speaking, her faith in men is even smaller than my faith in parents, coworkers, or (yes, also, indeed) men.

In moments of clarity I make resolutions through something like prayer, but when smothered by emotions, it’s much harder to stick to them. My cynicism is overwhelming lately, and only surpassed by anger and the element of hurt feelings.

To blame everything on Satan is too easy. “Well, the devil’s putting these thoughts in my head,” or “The devil made him treat me like that,” or “Satan caused this to happen to me.” To an extent, I believe it to be true the way the demons in Gaiman and Pratchett’s “Good Omens” rig the stoplights to cause tempers to flare, temptations to rise, and people to sin. But I also believe I’m not giving enough recognition to the fallibility of human nature.

Somewhere Jewel Kilcher had a quote along the lines of: “What we call human nature is actually human habit.” The more I learn, the more I think she’s right.

God’s been continuing to teach me and re-teach me things I forgot or neglected years ago–things about sex and families and friends and relationships and work and the Holy Spirit and giving. The things He teaches aren’t always easy, but they’re not near as hard as fighting off the urge to let myself tumble off the precipice of depression. Most of my close friends already know about my past with depression and occasional mania. For the most part, I like to think I’m much more “normal” and less “bipolar” these days. But in all honesty, for all the goodness this year has brought about, the badness has been overwhelming and entirely and repeatedly heartbreaking. Something like the past six or seven months have been constantly emotional and every time I stand up, I get knocked down again.
In a word, I feel defeated. It’s easy for me to blame everyone around me and hard for me to control my emotions (which is, perhaps, an explanation of the excessive amounts of tears shed in the past month especially, including multiple times at work in front of my coworkers–something I would otherwise be mortified for them to see), and to be fair, that part isn’t their fault.
So.
Okay. I have no point here. I’m just thinking.

Peace, love, and November weather.