I had the largest of fights with my best friend of many, many years, to the point of him leaving our apartment and never coming back. After many fighting words, I bit the bullet a month or so later and took the steps to reconcile. It worked, but our relationship will never be the same.

I’ve had three of my friends get married: the first being my ex-girlfriend, the second being my previously mentioned friend, and the third one of my friends that went to a different country for a year, returning with a bride. The first marriage was possibly the hardest day of my life, and possibly for her as well, because lack of love was never the reason for why our relationship ended. It still exists to this day, and possibly will always last into our next lives. The second marriage was the most jovial of them all, being up in the mountains for a day or so, with much revelry, drinking, tea ceremonies, and other such activities. The third was the most traditional religious-wise, which was rather interesting to take a part of, especially being a lesbian pagan in a Christian marriage ceremony. It’s all good, though.

It’s been the year of finally trying to reconcile the differences between myself and the aforementioned ex-girlfriend. We had built up a large wall between ourselves for 4 years, mostly out of fear of what would happen if we allowed each other to get so close to each other again. Two weeks after her ceremony, though, I wrote a long letter to her, which pretty much acted as a sledgehammer to break down at least part of the wall that we’ve been building. She now knows that we need to break down this wall, and has grasped the sledgehammer as well, in an effort to break down all of the barriers between us and rebuild something that mutually benefits us all.

I’ve tried to build myself into a better person. I’ve made my own company. I’ve created some more websites. I quit my old job and joined a really high-powered, extremely technical job that demands a lot of my attention, knowledge, and willpower. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve sinned. Oh, how I’ve sinned. I’ve done things that I’ve told myself I’ll never do. I’ve given into carnal pleasures that I’ve never thought imaginable, and still glorify in it somehow. I’m been tempted, and I’ve been the temptress. I’ve been pursued, and I’ve been the pursuer. I’ve awakened monsters in others, as well as myself. I’ve allowed others to get in touch with parts of themselves that they’ve needed to get to, to release them from their minds and their bodies so that they can live whatever life they need to live, or at least focus on for the short term.

I’ve crashed. Crashed hard. I crashed so hard that I’ve ended up in the ER, looking through 5am-blurred eyes at self-inflicted wounds. I’ve crashed so hard that they have medication for it. I’ve crashed so hard that I’ve been on short-term disability leave. I’ve crashed so hard that one of my co-workers thought I was in a car accident.

This year will end in only 20-some-odd days, and it makes me wonder what 2008 will bring. Will companies flourish? What will happen with the various odd projects that I’ve been working on? Will my lusts finally be satisfied, or at least resolved? Will I finally find a woman to spend the rest of my life with? Will my breakdown finally fade away into nothingness? Will I finally discover my spiritual roots?

All I know is that the answers will come, and it’s only my job to experience them and learn as I go.