Yesterday I went to a departmental picnic for work. It was fun. I actually stayed for a couple of hours. Usually I just make an appearance and then leave because I am completely unsociable. I’ve been trying to be more friendly. Anyway, yesterday at the picnic I noticed that I am no longer one of those people who shows up to everything with a date/significant other/spouse. It’s been almost a year since I was part of a couple. I think that’s the longest I’ve ever gone between relationships. It’s a strange feeling when you look around and realize you are alone. Not that that’s bad, but I think as humans we have some sort of psychological need to be paired off. So sometimes it’s hard to fight off that feeling of complete and utter failure. 

After the picnic I went to Target for a bit of shopping. I ran into an old friend of my mom’s. She was telling me how her son (he’s my age) is getting married in a few weeks to a girl he’s been dating for four years. She kept looking at me funny and glancing at my hands as they moved. I move my hands when I talk. Anyway, she finally asked if anything was new with me. I said no, she smiled and said, “So you aren’t dating anyone?” Well, no. Thanks for asking, person that I haven’t spoken to in three years. But I am in the process of GETTING MY FREAKING PHD!!! Did you ever think that maybe I don’t have time for DATING!?! Needless to say I was not happy when I got home. Why must I let people make me feel bad about myself?

I’m totally freaking out about school. It’s like drowning. I can’t read fast enough to get it all done in time and I have an endless amount of grading for the next two weeks that doesn’t help the situation. My air conditioner is broken for like the millionth time and I have to go and confront the manager tomorrow so someone will actually do something about it. I don’t like doing that. And I’m scared to go outside after dark because of the mosquitoes. 

Goodnight.