In my excitement for the upcoming movie I went out and bought a ticket for the midnight showing of Twilight, something I told myself I would not do. I am too old for midnight showings, but this is different. So today a co-worker asked me why I was so excited about seeing a movie about adolescent vampire love. So here’s my response.

Twilight is about vampires. It is about love. It is also about adolescence. But none of those things are why it has found such immense popularity among women, young and old (I place myself in the “old” category). See, it’s not that Edward the vampire is “hot”. He’s a man. A real man and real men are hard to find.

Bella loves Edward not because he’s physically attractive, though that’s certainly a part of it. She loves him because she sees behind the carefully constructed image he has created for himself. Edward is not like Bella. He’s different, wild, and dangerous. But if he allowed himself to be that creature he would be no better than James, the antagonist of the story. Edward is a man because he can control that wilder, dangerous nature. He is a gentleman. The kind of guy who opens doors and offers his jacket. Some would say old-fashioned, I think that’s the way men are supposed to be. But more importantly, Edward respects Bella. He respects her enough, loves her enough, to sacrifice his own needs for hers even when she doesn’t really know what she needs. He doesn’t do this to look good or to get what he wants out of the relationship. He does it because that’s the way it should be done. He worries about her soul when she expresses a desire to be a vampire. Edward would rather allow Bella to grow old and die without him than to risk her soul. Even when his high moral standards conflict with Bella’s “raging human hormones”, Edward stays the course.

Edward loves Bella because she is different. Unlike the Jessica Stanley’s of the world, Bella sees Edward for who he really is. He’s not just a hot guy. She’s willing to accept the truth about him and love him despite his dangerous side. When Edward has doubts about the state of his soul, Bella encourages him. She is not a needy, fortune-seeking woman. Feminist critiques of the book series label Bella as weak. They say Twilight represents a step backward for womankind. Well, no. Bella is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She is a mature, independent woman. But just because a woman can take care of herself doesn’t mean she always wants to.

My preacher frequently mentions that the men of the world need to grow up and act like men. They need to be true spiritual leaders. I totally agree. I do recognize that the loss of chivalry is partly the fault of women. While the feminist movement gave us the freedom we have today and allowed us the chance to take care of ourselves, it also gave men the idea that we don’t need them anymore. While that may be true in some instances, I sympathize with Bella. I’m good at taking care of myself and I like it that way, but it sure would be nice if I could find someone I trusted enough to give up some of that control. But I haven’t found that and as I get older it seems less and less likely that I will.

I study the history of gender. Gender roles, though they can mean different things to different cultures/societies/people, are universal. While they have changed and adapted, they have also persisted. The main thing I’ve learned about gender and feminism and masculinity is that equality is not about being equal at all. It’s about complementarity. It’s about being partners. It’s about valuing the opposite sex for what they are, emphasizing the good and dealing with the bad.

So there. That’s my long-winded explanation. For me it all boils down to this: I liked Twilight because it reminded me that I don’t have to be the bitter, mankilling, 25 year old divorcee that I have become. It’s okay to be a girl. If someone can write a story about that kind of love, then maybe it really is out there somewhere.