I can’t sleep. Again. Ohhh big surprise.

I am tired. I am a record set on repeat - a monotonous droning lately of the same thing that I want to be over with and will be soon, which is a partial reason to my lack of posting. I have a few days off before I start at the detox unit, which will hopefully give me time to acquaint myself back to life before delving into another set of people with issues. Adults with issues. I’m tired of child victims. While I do not particularly have pity on those victimized (I realize this sounds harsh, but having empathy/high sympathy will eat you alive in such an environment), I am tired of being angry at the end result of degenerate scum messing up their lives and passing on the momentous consequences of their screw-ups to their unfortunate offspring.

Tomorrow (today, technically) is my last day at the mental institution. I told the kids a couple of weeks ago that I was quitting; I believe it is starting to sink both into them and me that I actually am. They’re acting abnormally well when I’m around and have made various homemade cards to give me wishing me luck. Earlier today (yesterday, technically) while I was there, I had at least five of them ask me if I really was leaving and two actually tear up at the resounding “yes” I gave them. I wanted to as well. However, I do not wish to cry in front of them. I broke down quite a bit a month ago when I decided it was time for me to move on. I’d like to be done with it. I’m probably not, but I’d like to think that I am.

I’m done.

Movies:
Alright. Just saw The Strangers. How was it? Pretty damn terrifying. Actually, I’m still feeling tense and skittish and it’s in the middle of the afternoon and hot and summer-y outside. Would I recommend watching it? Yes, if you’re up for it. The little usher at the movies said he actually had to clean up vomit once from the movie. Of course, the film also just came out. I wonder how prevalent the puking-in-fear thing really is. I’m more of the absolutely-frozen-and-unable-even-to-breathe-in-fear type, myself.
I did notice a few continuity errors, but if you’re not OCD like me, you may never notice them. Unless now that I’ve mentioned it, you’ll look for them. I also loved the music selection (Billy Bragg & Wilco for the win), and the directing, set design and costume design were all flawlessly executed. And although he reminded me at times of a couple of my exes, Scott Speedman was as wonderful as he always is, and not just for eye candy. I even liked Liv Tyler in this role. In short, a job well done for all involved. I give it 617 Jane Points and four and a half blue stars.
Just reading up on it, and it seems so far the movie’s got less-than-good reviews. Some might say it’s gotten bad reviews. Well, who cares what the other people think? Let’s focus on me now and talk about them later.
Also, I think I mentioned this somewhere before, but watching scary movies is a good way to relieve stress. At least that’s what they say. I’m too busy right now thinking about people in masks trying to kill me to feel stressed about the ridiculous amounts of money I owe to ridiculous amounts of people. So maybe it works.

Next up? Still dying to see my dear sweet boyfriend Edward in The Incredible Hulk, although I didn’t realize until today that it’s supposed to be the sequel. Hrm.

Books:
Chuck Palahniuk, et al. has been busy recently. His latest novel, Snuff,was recently released with a brown font, which to me just mutters, “I’m awesome” over and over again. I just bought Rant earlier this week but haven’t had much time to get into it. So far, so good.
And on September first, an anthology of essays written about Fight Club will be released. It’s entitled You Do Not Talk About Fight Club: I Am Jack’s Completely Unauthorized Essay Collection and is available for pre-order on Amazon.

While we’re talking about books, I’d like to say Jeff Long is definitely worth reading if you’re not already familiar with his work. I just finished Year Zero. It was a little misleading in certain regards and ol’ Jeff has a slightly annoying ability to slip casually into second person, but otherwise it’s a great read. If you really want a thrill, though, read The Descent. I read that book something like seven years ago, and I still think it’s fantastic. (Don’t confuse it with the recent movie of the same name. Not at all the same story.)

Um, okay. That’s all for now.
Peace, love, and all things Edward Norton-ish.

I am officially on my last set of braces. On the eighteenth of this month we’ll order my retainers. Am I ecstatic? In a word, yes.

In related news, I was told by a customer that I have a really great smile (I should have, I said, for as much as it’s costing me), that I’m really spectacular looking, and that he’s not trying to get into my shorts. Oh, and he also wants to take me to dinner. To talk about writing. And, I added, to talk about him investing in the organization.

Here’s one of the greatest commercials ever.

For other viewing …amusement, check out The Top 8 Worst Microsoft Promo Videos. I didn’t watch all of them, but number 2, “Microsoft 386 Made Impossible” is something you simply have to see. Mission Impossible + red high-top sneakers + white businesswoman rapping = necessary viewing. I had a reaction bordering on hysteria: from amusement to pure terror to laughter of disbelief in seven minutes or less. Think I’m kidding? This you have to see for yourself.

Don’t know if I ever mentioned this before, but most of you are aware of my weird desire to want to design shirts for just about everything. I’m aspiring to put the shirt designs altogether in one place over at Zazzle, because they have great options and great quality. I put two more shirts up:

&

So that’s all.
Peace, love, and straight teeth.

I spent a large amount of the day yesterday playing disc golf with a patient from work who is doing particularly well and that I have a particularly good relationship with. I was allowed to take her to the local disc golf course. She is seventeen and runs everywhere, even in 100+ degree weather. I am sad to say that my body hates me this morning, though my resulting tan is rather awesome.

My time at the mental institution is running short. I didn’t cry when I told the kids I was leaving (something I was terrified of, incidentally). I think it helps that a lot of them that have been there for the entire duration of my tenure there are leaving soon per CPS. I also, honestly, am too damn excited for anything to progress beyond the conga line of celebration in my head.

I don’t want to write anything more today, beyond this.

Is it just me or does it seem like all the TV shows are losing their appeal? Shows I used to adore like ER and Grey’s just don’t interest me the way they used to. I watch them now more out of compulsion than anything else. I won’t say any of them particularly jumped the shark, but it’s definitely teetering on the edge. Or, in the case of ER specifically, it very well could have jumped the shark and I’m in denial over it.
The Office was good (albeit frustrating, Jim) up ’til the end, though. As was Criminal Minds, my new obsession, thanks to Mel. And new episodes of The Closer and Psych are coming up soon. Yessss.

During some web search in the past few days, I somehow pulled up this entry:

Get Engaged in 12 Months
$1500 or refund. Russian ladies with background checks.
Sponsored by: www.yoshkar-ola.com/ • Found on Ads by Google

Upon first glance, I figured it was more eHarmony crap. Then I read the second line. Ha.

Okay, The Strangers probably looks like the most horrifying movie ever. When I’m at home alone and see the previews on TV, I get so creeped out that every sound makes me jump, I lock all the doors, and I keep an eye on the nearest possible weapon. Heavy book? Small possibility for defense. Mace? Much better, but I can’t seem to find it. Large boating oar? Will work for now.
Anyway, for some reason, I still want to see it. Dismarum suggested I go to a matinee, so if it’s upsetting, I can leave and it’ll be light outside and everything will be fine. You can see the trailer for it here.
Let’s take bets now on when the sequel will be out.

And: Watching comic-turned-major-motion-picture flicks? Not my thing. But Edward Norton as The Incredible Hulk? Sign me up. Incredible, indeed.

And also: Josh Hartnett is probably in my Top Ten Sexiest Men list. And David Bowie’s still acting?! (Haha, did you think I was adding David Bowie to my list? Psych.) I thought The Labyrinth was the end of it.

A small thing that makes me incredibly happy is when I’m filling out a random survey and can now check the box for “Graduated 4-Year College or University” instead of just “Some College.” Yeah, I smile with pride. Every time.

For bizarre entertainment, check out the 50 worst album covers ever. Some of them surprised even me. One of them was so disturbing in an SVU-sort of way, I actually wrote down the title to figure out what was going on there.

Maybe it’s a geeky thing to be excited about, but after lots of computer issues, I finally reformatted my desktop yesterday. Now I’m excited about adding programs and organizing everything just the way I want. It’s like a clean slate. Or a new haircut.

Um. Okay. That’s all for now.

Peace, love, and Edward Norton.

I scored a new job at an intensive detox unit doing medication management and intervention. I’m also guaranteed a counseling internship and residency, once my certification is complete.

I’m enjoying this victorious moment. Please join in with me.

I have been amiss in my posting. I’ve had many things to rant and rave and generally ramble about over the past week, but for some reason, I’ve only composed them in my head or on paper as opposed to here.

This is sort of a post about vices.

I realize I use profanity waaaay more than I used to - profuse profanity, even. I dislike profanity, actually. It seems incredibly tacky. However, my base reaction to anything that slightly annoys me is to drop the f-bomb like it was going out of style. Granted, my self-censoring device clicks on before I actually do such a thing (usually), but I never used to think in terms such as these before. I blame it on my job. No lie. I had a pretty funny anecdote to go with this, but this was earlier in the week when I had just got done working an overnight shift and was on the way to the store and then home under the influence of severe sleep deprivation. Actually, I’m not even sure if it’s all that funny of a story or if I was just tired enough to think it was one; regardless of that, I can no longer remember it exactly. Reference the top of this post for the reasoning behind that.

I have an interview today at a drug and alcohol rehab/detox center, which is the type of environment I always planned to work at. I believe I was waylaid by the mental institution for very specific reasons that God had planned for me to endure. However, that is another post within itself, and one I cannot delve into given my current time constraints. The rehab center is for adults. I know I’ll miss working with kids - I’ll miss it more than I want to admit to myself at the moment. I played a three hour long softball game yesterday with the few that were acting well enough to take outside. People going through detox are bitchy.

The remainder of my post is dedicated to geeky things. Avert ye eyes if such offends ye.

To tide me over until WotLK comes out (and because my guild is currently undergoing restructuring and a lack of raiding due to it), I bought Age of Conan. First impression: ‘eh. It has a Mature 17+ rating and from what I can see so far, it’s sort of like WoW if WoW allowed gratuitous sex and gore, except with a really annoying battle system. Some high points are that it’s unique because it has both a single player campaign and the typical MMO format. You have to progress through the campaign to build your class and be successful in the MMO. Honestly, I’ve been playing more of the single player campaign and only playing the MMO version when absolutely needed. The storyline of the campaign is pretty entertaining. I will give Funcom props on the attention to detail - each NPC has a voice actor and the style of interaction your character has with them is more true to the nature of RPGs. Not to mention the character customization abilities are amazing. But while all of this is neat, I’m not sure if it says a lot about it’s function as a MMO since I’m more enveloped in the single player mode. I don’t think I’m going to keep my account open much longer than the initial 30 day trial period and if I do, I pretty much think the sole driving force behind that would be to just progress through the single player storyline. Not to mention that the battle system is quite horrific.

End result? It’s a pretty and unique game, but WoW is still #1. A lot of things that Conan has going for it (i.e. - destructible PvP cities) will be available come WotLK anyhow. Yay WoW. If you have it and love it, however, drop me a line in-game (Dismarum on the Dagoth server). I have a level 11 Ranger. Try to show me what I might be missing.

To wrap this up, juice boxes are pretty cool. I realized I’m more apt to buy something that comes in a carton than a jug or plastic bottle.

I initially said that this was a post about vices. You can pick mine out freely.

I think of places like people–the whole experience like a new friend with whom I instantly bond, sharing secrets, opening myself up to them in all the blazing vulnerability my neurosis will allow, and allowing them to leave their mark on my life in the hopes that maybe somehow, in some small way, I’ve left a mark on theirs. In the wake, then, of leaving one place in search of another, I’m struck by a heartache so profound it can only be soothed by time. I take a deep breath and reassure myself with familiar songs or scents. But in the end all I can do is grit my teeth together and wait for the wave of heartbreak to pass.

I always experience this with traveling, or moving, or leaving or starting new schools or new jobs. Any change in the status quo and I’m filled with an overwhelming, bittersweet nostalgia that leaves me reeling. This, of course, is what I believe to be the emotion encapsulated in my tattoo. (As well as a pledge of support for someone I believe has the genius and talent to impact the world with his stories and art, but I digress.)

So now, as I write this, flying over a city in Quebec I can’t spell or even begin to pronounce, I’m so overcome with emotion and longing for all the different lives I want to live, all the places I want to call home, all the people I want to know in depth. I constantly yearn for change, but when it comes, I always find I never quite adjust quite as well as I affect. I want the new and the old simultaneously. I want everyone I’ve ever loved living together in one happy town as one big, happy family. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

A word or two about Moscow: it’s an honest city, struggling to come to terms with its past while striving to move continually upward in its quest for independence. It’s gritty and authentic, and walking through the streets and down into the metro and past the gypsies and the drunks evokes a distinct sense of living behind-the-scenes. It’s not flashy or bold. It’s subtle, it minds its own business, and it encourages others to figure life out for themselves. In short, I think I fit in well there, save a few minor wardrobe adjustments. I love it. And if it weren’t for future plans for which I’ve already been called and subsequently committed, I would have succumbed to the urging of those around me and applied for a job at the embassy with the intention of moving there as soon as possible. Instead, I will focus on asking for the wisdom and patient endurance to follow the path laid out for me.

I’m not going to elaborate on my Moscow experiences here on TD, mainly because we’ve set me up a blog with the expressed intention of posting my inane ramblings about Russia. You can find it here. I also took (literally) over a thousand pictures and video of the trip and have begun posting them on my flickr site. More will be up soon as I finish tagging and titling them.

And now…

Peace, love, and new horizons.

Pop culture is completely wasted on me. At 2pm yesterday, I was approached by one of my account directors and asked the dreaded question: “How busy are you today?” That’s usually the question you give a vague, non-committal answer to on the likely chance that the incorrect answer involves some horrific task. I give my compulsory “Somewhat busy, why?” and instead of being roped into covering a last minute edit for a tv spot to air in Missoula, MT, I’m given a rare ticket to the season finale of American Idol. The show was absolutely fascinating. It’s shot live at 5pm to air on the east coast. As an audience member, you’re as much a prop as you are a viewer. You’re given cues for when to cheer and instructed when to be quiet. The entire process is so interesting to watch. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never actually watched a full episode of the show. The entire experience was completely wasted on me, but was incredibly cool. Sadly, I had to lean over to my boss’ husband (they have an 8 year old daughter) to ask who the shaggy headed boys on stage were (apparently the Jonas Brothers.) The wonders of Seal, George Michael, ZZ Top, Graham Nash etc.. however, were not lost on me. I think I may have suffered a bit of hearing loss from the 14 year old girls SHRIEKING behind us, but luckily I had an bottle of ibuprofen in my purse and overall, the experience was surreal, but quite cool.

And the reason for the tickets… If you watched the finale you might have seen these. (someone strung them together.) I think they turned out well. Wish I could claim some credit, but they were totally my boss.

I went camping/fishing over this weekend. It was quite fun outside of me coming insanely close to falling into the river at three in the morning. I tripped over a rock. Subsequently, I spent the next ten minutes attempting to pull my flashlight back out of the water with two sticks. I would now like to sing the praises of Coleman and their ability to make a water and shock resistant LED lantern.

I’ve been sleeping well. The resulting pleasant mood has been creepy to others and a blessing to me.

Hey, as an afterthought, if anyone out there has a moment of spare time and remembers, would you mind sending a prayer up for my job hunting situation? I’m currently playing hooky from a supervisors meeting at work. I do not care. While God surely does know the depths of my soul and all the current constant yammerings in my head that I try my best to turn into prayers before yelling out curse words in regards to my job, I do not think it would be amiss to ask for a little more help on this one. Please. Before I do something that would possibly get me fired.

Laugh all you want. I’m heading down that road, back along the path to no sleep.